Origin

Narcissism is defined more specifically as a pattern of grandiosity (exaggerated claims to talents, importance, or specialness) in the patient’s private fantasies or outward behavior; a need for constant admiration from others; and a lack of empathy for others. The term narcissisticis derived from an ancient Greek legend, the story of Echo and Narcissus. According to the legend, Echo was a woodland nymph who fell in love with Narcissus, who was an uncommonly handsome but also uncommonly vain young man. He contemptuously rejected her expressions of love. She pined away and died. The god Apollo was angered by Narcissus’ pride and self-satisfaction, and condemned him to die without ever knowing human love. One day, Narcissus was feeling thirsty, saw a pool of clear water nearby, and knelt beside it in order to dip his hands in the water and drink. He saw his face reflected on the surface of the water and fell in love with the reflection. Unable to win a response from the image in the water, Narcissus eventually died beside the pool.

Description

A Narcissist generally displays five or more of the following descriptions:

• He or she has a grandiose sense of self-importance (exaggerates accomplishments and demands to be considered superior without real evidence of achievement).
• He or she lives in a dream world of exceptional success, power, beauty, genius, or “perfect” love.
• He or she thinks of him- or herself as “special” or privileged, and that he or she can only be understood by other special or high-status people.
• He or she demands excessive amounts of praise or admiration from others.
• He or she feels entitled to automatic deference, compliance, or favorable treatment from others.
• He or she is exploitative towards others and takes advantage of them.
• He or she lacks empathy and does not recognize or identify with others’ feelings.
• He or she is frequently envious of others or thinks that they are envious of him or her.
• He or she “has an attitude” or frequently acts in haughty or arrogant ways.

In ministry

 

In ministry the narcissist has an inability to empathize with others. This may be evidenced by the inability to socialize and “mingle” with others as well as a displayed discomfort in social events. This inability to empathize may also be evident in the narcissisit’s inability to recognize or connect with the daily issues and lives of those in the ministry, resulting in insensitivity or an arrogance by which the narcissist judges others for the quality of their lives in contrast to his or her own. Often the goals of the ministry or the narcissist’s goals for that ministry become priority over the relational needs of the members of that ministry. The narcissist’s style of ministry is generally a “take control and lead” style with a great felt need for recognition of the narcissist’s position and ability as the leader of the ministry. The Narcissist seeks attention and praise for their success, and may even seek to portray themselves as the victim when things go wrong, thus pushing blame to others so as to preserve attention and praise to themselves. This may blend into or come out of the narcissist’s feeling of entitlement. The narcissist may seek or demand loyalty of those under them and may seek to manipulate them for his/her purposes. The ministry is built on the person, rather than on the purpose of the ministry. The narcissist sees the people of his/her ministry as tools who serve them rather than as a flock whose care he or she is responsible for. Often the narcissist may lose focus on the ownership of the ministry, seeing the ministry as his/her ministry, rather than recognizing their role as a servant-leader of God. The Narcissist may be a good leader for attracting others into their vision and may be good at attracting people by their attitude of success and apparent gifting, and people may genuinely feel good for being recognized as useful to this person, but the ultimate end of the narcissistic leadership will be a downfall when either the narcissist takes a fall, or the ministry ceases to be about God and ultimately becomes about the narcissist.

 

The Narcissist’s Reward

 

The narcissist seeks immediate reward through recognition, a feeling of control and power, praise, admiration, and perceived confirmation of their special status and ability. This often comes with a heavy cost often leaving behind broken hearts and dead ministries.

 

Matthew 6:5-6  “When you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they may be seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full.  6 “But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.

 

Servant Leadership.

 

The true leader of ministry is a slave to all; a servant of God. The reward of the servant-leader is the glorification of God, the joy of ministry, the fellowship within the body, and the eternal crown.

 

1 Corinthians 9:16-27  6 For if I preach the gospel, I have nothing to boast of, for I am under compulsion; for woe is me if I do not preach the gospel.  17 For if I do this voluntarily, I have a reward; but if against my will, I have a stewardship entrusted to me.  18 What then is my reward? That, when I preach the gospel, I may offer the gospel without charge, so as not to make full use of my right in the gospel.  19 For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a slave to all, so that I may win more.  20 To the Jews I became as a Jew, so that I might win Jews; to those who are under the Law, as under the Law though not being myself under the Law, so that I might win those who are under the Law;  21 to those who are without law, as without law, though not being without the law of God but under the law of Christ, so that I might win those who are without law.  22 To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak; I have become all things to all men, so that I may by all means save some.  23 I do all things for the sake of the gospel, so that I may become a fellow partaker of it.  24 Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win.  25 Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable.  26 Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air;  27 but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.